Monday, March 29, 2010

The Case Against EDA and Clingy Couples

When it comes to relationships, you don't want to be her.

You don't want to be him either.

This is something that has been bugging the absolute hell out of me more recently: EDA, short for Electronic Display of Affection. I first read this term on Cleveland's a Plum, and it couldn't be more true. We saw PDA all the time in high school: those couples who would always hang out by the lockers before school. They wouldn't leave each other alone. Usually it was the girlfriend hanging onto the arm of the boyfriend, as if she were *literally* a ball and chain.

It made me sick then, and it makes me even more repulsed now because I have to view it on Facebook and Twitter. This is not speaking out against relationships by any means. I'm all for HEALTHY relationships. I'm not talking about anyone in particular (seriously, there are too many people like this out there that I couldn't single anyone out, dating as far back as middle school). I'm happy you're in a relationship and I'm not some jealous jerk, I just happen to believe that EDA is an incredibly rude breach of internet etiquette.

It's not just incredibly rude, but incredibly obnoxious. This is different from being married, engaged, in a relationship or taking pictures with your significant other at events and posting them on Facebook. This is uploading all your Photo Booth pictures of each other into multiple annoying albums, basically waving and flaunting your relationship in our faces. The best archetypes for these types of people are featured on one of my favorite TV shows, The Office, more specifically the characters Kelly Kapoor and Michael Scott.

If you don't know Kelly and Michael, they're what's known as "Stage 5 Clingers," the type who is in love after dating someone for two days, the type who doesn't leave their significant other's side, the type who buys a trip to Sandals, Jamaica and proposes after only 4 dates. Furthermore, they seem to be in denial about their happiness, because there is always some sort of drama surrounding their relationship. If everything isn't perfectly lovey-dovey, the internet universe is the first to know about just how angry they are at their boyfriend/girlfriend. They try SO hard to make their relationship seem like something out of The Notebook. But God forbid they ever break up, because they'll do almost anything to keep their dysfunctional relationship in-tact.

They'll even go so far as to fake a pregnancy (the girls, at least). Now, ask yourself: Do you want to be "that guy/girl?" Do you want to date "that guy/girl?" My answer is "Hell no!" (Granted, I also wouldn't want the type of relationship where they play "who can hate the other one the most so they have the power?" but that's for another time)

Of course, if Armageddon (breaking up) DOES happen, for the next month, the person will wander aimlessly through life, horrendously depressed and thinking no one will ever love them ever again as long as they live, until they latch on, like a leech, to the next thing that shows any little bit of interest in them. Then, the Stage 5 Clingy + EDA process repeats itself. These people get their self-esteem through their significant others and through having those significant others, they don't understand the concept of "independent happiness." They literally don't know HOW to be single or be happy without seeking the attention of someone else.

Here's the real truth about these types: They think they're happy, but they're really in denial because if they were happy, they wouldn't have to tell everyone how happy they are. They wouldn't have to flaunt it publicly like they're the "it" couple, because if they were happy, they wouldn't have to do that. By telling us how happy they are out loud and in the open, they're trying to talk themselves into how happy they are.

And that's incredibly sad, because when everything unravels, we can all see it and we get a weird satisfaction out of it because we saw it coming a long time ago. But whatever, those types will continue to believe that us happy people are just bitter and jealous. It couldn't be further from the truth. We're not jealous, we're annoyed.

Bottom line: Whether it's in public in real life, or electronically through the internet: GET A ROOM. kthx.


  1. Where's the annoyed reaction? You're like a broken record about this! Is it jealousy? You make it seem like anyone in love is clingy. Unless you just hang out with really pshyco girls?

  2. Good stuff, sir. These people need to go away yesterday.

  3. @Anonymous

    Didn't I say I'm NOT jealous? Broken record? It's my first blog post about it.

    And I don't hang out with them. Let's just say I knew some in middle school and high school and they've repeated the same mistakes year after year and they never get it.

    And I never singed out women; I said guys do it too (although admittedly, it's a 75/25 ratio of girls to guys who do stuff like this).

  4. Social media makes us all narcissists. Yes, it's true. But I think the biggest narcissists (and probably the most insecure too) are the ones who feel the need to shove their relationships down other people's throats.

    I'm glad you're happy. Whatever. I'm not jealous either. I would like to think that I'm secure enough in my relationship that I don't have to drive the rest of the world bananas to convince them (and myself) that I'm happy.

    Hope that makes sense. Good article.

  5. love it. certain people come to mind... but then again maybe it's because i don't have someone to cuddle with and blog about our date nights. of course then again, i do manage to blog about the men i scream at in public places so maybe i'm just as bad.

    @anonymous, it's really not out of jealousy but rather this vomit-inducing feeling that we get in the backs of our throats.

  6. @pishposhcleveland


    p.s. if I ever get around to starting a blog roll, you're included. Hold me to that.

  7. This post hits the nail on the head.

    Most people need to learn how to be single before they get into a relationship. If they just focus on the relationship with nothing else besides that, then I think both parties get bored and tired of each other after awhile, or one gets resentful of the other if the other has a life, etc.

    Relationships are a pain in the butt to deal with. They're harder to deal with than teaching kids or coaching them, for instance.

    Here's the fact: Not everyone is called to be married. Condoleeza Rice, for instance, is single. Some people are called to different vocations, whether it be married, the religious life, or single.

    Being married is tough. At least that's what my parents say. And it gets lonely, too, at times. Being single is good in that it allows you freedom to do what you want, when you want.

    Different strokes for different folks.
    "That's what she..."

    never mind.